Join this Wonder(ing) Woman as we enter this unusual New Year

Like many others, my husband and I watched this highly touted movie when it was released to HBO Max on Christmas Day. I leave it to you and film critics whether or not the film lived up to its hype. No direct spoilers here, though perhaps you may think of these topics when the situations arise in the movie.

Christmas Day is significant for me for another reason. Last year, I was confronted with a potentially serious health diagnosis. The outcome of the tests was as yet unknown on that Christmas Day when I threw the I-Ching, the famous Chinese Book of Changes, to see if I could gain some insights into my situation. Those comments were powerful and still affecting me. This year, my health crisis is past, and yet we are still facing a world turned upside down. As I didn’t have time to throw the I-Ching on Christmas day, I decided I would see what insights I could glean from this film. Let me know what you think of these “lessons” I got from as I wondered about Wonder Woman 1984.

• Utopias have a hidden underbelly.

The title of the film is Wonder Woman 1984. 1984 is, of course, the title of George Orwell’s dystopian book. Capitalism as an economic system has promised us utopia, the fulfillment of every material wish. Yet it has not made us in the developed world happier and it has collectively brought us to the edge of extinction along with most life on this planet. There is a big gap between lived experience of life and what we imagine in our minds. As any family constellation facilitator knows, and this movie illustrates, we are complex creatures, and are often not completely aware of what motivates us, or how the consequences of our actions will play out in real life.

• Having what you wish for isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and distracts you from what you could have.

Along with utopian ideals, there is the idea that if you think right, the right things will happen for you, and if bad things happen, it must be your fault. (Otherwise known as New Age Guilt or NAG). Think positive, imagine what you wish for, and voila. You will achieve your nirvana. How many of us have bit on that bait? (Me, too!) Many of us are facing ambiguous losses and uncertainty, and fear, sadness, and frustration are reasonable responses under those circumstances. It may seem that getting our wish would solve all problems, however, unexpected consequences often lurk in corners our minds missed. To tell a story on myself, I once organized an event for an international presenter. It was a very expensive operation and rather risky. If I filled every seat, there would just be enough profit for me to buy the computer of my dreams. The day before the event, the last ticket sold. I got my computer all right, however, I forgot to ask for new software, and it took an extra $500 to upgrade my software so it would run on my fancy new computer! We human beings are not so good at figuring out what we really need, nor anticipating the full consequences of our fondest wishes, but that doesn’t stop us from fantasizing that all would be well if we just had this one more thing.

• "Good" and "bad" are ideas, not facts.

We decide whether our circumstances are "good" or "bad". We compare our circumstances to what we want instead (take a look at US politics right now for an example!) If our circumstances don't match our ideas, then they are "bad," however, the world just is. Often the deeper issue is whether or not we actually trust Life and believe that the world is good as it is.

• True development takes time and effort.

Both early and late in the film, we see the temptation of the short cut, of trying to cheat fate. Taking the easy way or the short cut versus putting in the time and effort required to really develop yourself, including facing the inevitable loss and adversity that come with learning and improvement with courage. One of my teachers, Michael Grinder, used to admonish us to… “Be ambitious enough with your development to be patient.”

• Hanging onto the past weakens you in the present.

I once met a woman who was grieving the loss of her son as if he had just been buried. I was astonished to learn from a mutual friend that the son had died ten years before. As I spoke with the woman I realized she was furious with her son. He had done something stupid on a motorcycle and perished in the accident. But! She was a “good mother” and good mothers are not angry with children who are hurt, so she was stuck carrying on in dramatic grief, unable to release her anger. Sadly, her life had not moved on from this point either, so she and her son were trapped in the past. Resilience is being able to let go, even of what you love, so that you can be here in the present moment with all your faculties.

• Even in defeat, when the situation seems hopeless, speaking from the heart can bring truth to light.

Often we go to great lengths to avoid being truthful with others. We’re afraid of what they might think or say or do, yet, when the chips are down, and our heart is broken and we have nothing else, in that bare moment of truth, miracles can happen. When someone speaks from this place, we are touched, our hearts resonate with truth and we discover our common humanity. I believe this is one of the gifts of constellation work. It strips away all our stories, defenses, and excuses, and in that often painful truth, love can take root. The real world is beautiful. Just as it is.

I enjoy watching films as a mirror, to ask myself what would I do in that situation? How does this character’s situation reflect on my own life, beliefs, and circumstances? Here are questions I was left with as I move into 2021:

   •   What effort am I willing to honestly put in achieve a goal, and what is really just a good idea? What is my actual capacity to do the work needed to get to the goal, and what is simply too much for one person?

   •   Am I kind enough with myself in defeat to allow myself the time to recover and get back up on the horse when I am ready?

   •   Am I open to solutions other than the ones I originally envisioned, and quick enough to act on them when they appear?

   •   Am I asking what I can do for this world rather than what it can do for me? And wise enough to know what that is when I find it, and brave enough to act?

If you watch the film, I hope you enjoy these reflections. If not, I hope you found something to inspire your own journey. Here we are in a new year.

Go well, and God bless. May you truly find your wings in 2021, then dare to fly.